Monday, December 30, 2013

Christmas in Nashville

No photos again this week, so once again, a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do. All illustrations are courtesy of me. You're welcome. ;) 

Man, what a crazy week. What a different week. I mean, I am on a mission. I got to talk to you on Christmas, which was AWESOME, and I am so grateful I was able to do that. My first Christmas away from home. It was just a weird week, but not a bad one.

Since me and my companion are new to the area, it was a little bit hard to make connections with people fast enough so that we could come over on Christmas. Christmas on the mission is a normal day. But it was fun to go and share a little Christmas message with those we could. We sang a Christmas Carol to a lady, and she started crying because in all of her 61 years of life, she had never been sung too! It was a cool experience.

To be honest, this week was probably harder than last week. Maybe because of the season, maybe because I was supposed to learn so much more, and maybe just because it was. My trainer had me going and knocking doors...oh my gosh, I was so bad at it. Why isn't there a camera following me around to show missionaries what not to do? It was so scary. Ah, I just wanted to crawl in a hole. 

And people tell you their whole life stories, and in my mind I am screaming, " I am a 19 year old girl, and I don't know how to help you." I want to pick them up and carry them through their struggles, or help them pay for their house bill, or somehow magically change their life. I just sit there and listen, pondering on the sadness in their life. I wish I could do so much more than I can.

And then, you are probably thinking, share with them the gospel. And it's true, we do. But some of them already are members. But that doesn't mean trials are gone or hard times don't come to a family. It's hard to watch. My heart goes out to them.

Plus, I am at a very beginner level when it comes to speaking about the gospel. My companion is very well spoken and great at leading and teaching lessons. Sometimes, I feel like a thick layer in the air is blocking my mouth. Like a cloud of fear. It is so strong, and I am working hard to break through it. To just open my mouth and pray that whatever comes out is okay. A mission is a lot more mentally tough than I ever could have imagined it. But them, I remember the words of my Dad, "Just keep plugging along. Consistency is key. LOVE IT!!" Dad, I really did listen to all of your pep talks. And I remember how hard I worked to get here, and how I know I am supposed to be here, and I keep trying a little bit harder every day. I might start out in last place, but I won't end there. 3rd grade Turkey trot taught me that one.

The best lesson I had, happened the night after Christmas. We are teaching a less active Filipino woman, and her husband. She wants to re-learn the gospel again, because she realizes she is missing that peace in her life. They are an amazing couple and we got to teach them the restoration. There came a point, where I remembered a story from my life, that I had completely forgotten about until this moment. And I decided, no matter how hard it is to get a word in, I am going to say this. I remembered it for a reason. The Spirit was really strong. I looked at them and said, " One time when I was really struggling and kept beating myself up for not being perfect, and not being good enough, my Dad and I were talking. He sat me down and said, No matter what mistakes you make, I want you to ALWAYS know you can come home. And that love that my dad showed for me, really helped me understand the way my Heavenly Father feels about me. He wants me to come back." It was an experience I will never forget. That is the best I felt a lesson has gone.

I just want to say thanks, Mom and Dad. The love you showed for me has shaped my whole life. The more I learn about Christ and study his life, the more I realize how great of people you really are, so thank you.

I am really into reading the New Testament right now! I never thought it was possible to get so jazzed over the scriptures. I just finished reading Mathew, and it is awesome. The things Jesus teaches...IT'S SO GREAT!!! Yes, it is true, I am becoming a missionary nerd. But I don't even care. I am working hard to gain a closer relationship with him, for the sake of helping others somehow. I am here for a reason, and I need to start letting myself out.

I am loving the experience and have so much hope here!! I love you tons!!!! I am doing great!!

Helaman 5:47

P.S. oh my gosh, funny story. There is a lady in my ward, that is into Numerology! I got to share my knowledge with her because of Grandma Sheila. Please tell her! I decided that while I can't be with the original awesome Grandma Sheila, I have made her my honorary replacement. And she says she has seen a UFO--People here honestly believe in Aliens! They are so convincing . . . I think I will come home believing!!!

1 comment:

  1. WOOT WOOT!!! high 5 for being an awesome missionary! and of course she would have a blog by the best blogger in the world!!!