Monday, November 18, 2013

Lots of Thoughts

Whew, get ready for lots of thoughts...

I will be a missionary in a little over 2 weeks. I will see my family in just over 1 wk. The end of my study abroad program is in 2 days. I left Paris 4 days ago.

I just wish there was a hold button to press on my life. Does anyone know where the big purple PAUSE button is? I can't seem to find it.

Depending on what minute of the day it is, I could be feeling one of these few things:

1. excited to see my family
2. excited to use public bathrooms for free
3. scared to go on a mission
4. scared that I will forget everything I have learned here
5. excited to eat American food
6. excited to sleep in my own bed
7. excited to watch American television
8. sad to leave Europe
9. sad to leave my friends
10. sad to end this experience

Holy Moly, that is too many feelings in one body don't you think? I pretend that I am not overwhelmed, so I'm not okay?

And I realized that the reason I was so sad to leave Paris was because I put a lot of hard work into that place. Every morning I would wake up around 7, and work hard with either school, exploring the city, or trying to learn French until 12 at night. And maybe that isn't too bad, but then I think of all the trips I went on. I gave all of my energy to Paris. I let it feed me, and make me feel alive. I let myself love the city for all that it was, and all that is wasn't. I got used to eating a baguette and cheese almost every day. I got used to learning about French history, and seeing a cool monument every few steps. I got used to hearing French all around me, and reading French signs. I got used to not having any technology and realizing that no one in the world knew exactly where I was. I was free to just be me, in Paris.

My Metro Stop

My Host Mom at dinner

Just chilling on the Seine

The famous Metro

The last night outside my appartment

Famous inside of the apartment complex

And now, I just have to walk away? It's painful. It's tiring. It's over.

And real REAL soon, I will be in Nashville. Having to start over. Changing into a new experience. A new mindset.

I am just entirely grateful for this experience. I am just chilling in my hotel room in Aix-en-Provence.

Yesterday, I went to Avignon and got to see the Palace of the Popes. They only lived there from the 13th to 14th century, when there was problems with the church in Rome. It was pretty cool to explore an old Palace. Then, my friends and I found a park that overlooked the city and sat on a ledge just chilling. Ah, it is my favorite thing. Looking out at the Rhone River, with trees turning yellow and orange...ah. Seriously, the best feeling in the world.

Then, I came home and played games with some people here on the program. It felt like college again. Just laughing and being silly. You can't really ask life for more.

And today, I explored Aix-en-Provence a little more. Found a cathedral and just sat and thought about my life in there. With the big organs playing and the candles lit at the altar. The perfect place to think.

So, here are just a few pictures of my fond memories:

My Host Mom rocking the American Flag!

My Last Paris Nutella Bannana Crepe

Nashville, Tennessee

There is my lock!

My Thank You card that my host mom added into her creche (nativity scene)!

1 comment:

  1. Awwww, so well said. You have really blossomed as a writer over the past two months. Once again, this post made me want to burst into tears. Happy/sad tears. But mostly grateful tears for all you have felt and experienced and learned. So grateful for your host mom for taking such good care of you. And for all of your friends. And your program director. I know the reason you tried to suck every moment dry is because you earned all the money yourself so you valued it so much. You worked so hard for this experience, and I think it made it mean so much more to you than if we had simply sent you there to learn.

    Can't wait to see you.