Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Daughter of a Crash Test Dummy

I'm not going to lie, it is pretty hard to have a good attitude here all the time. Learning a language is so hard. It just hurts...and it's draining...and headaches occur often...and I'm exhausted...and I am so busy that studying rarely happens. Half of the time, I day dream about how good it would feel to sleep.

So today, I was a little down on myself for how terrible I am at...almost everything. I still have trouble comprehending...lots of trouble. Let alone trying to respond.

It starts to get old when you feel so stupid all the time. I can't communicate. And while I can't communicate, I just make jokes in my head about the whole Tower of Babel incident. Seriously, made my life so much harder. It is weird feeling to be reduced to nothing in another country. I am starting over. All the English spouting off in my head, like nobody's business, means nothing. Even the Euro trumps the dollar.

And then I had an epiphany.

Ready for this.

I am the daughter of the one and only Crash Test Dummy. And that means I inherited half of her genes. No wonder I keep crashing and crashing and crashing and crashing.

But, the resilient thing about a crash test dummy, is that it gets back in the car. It takes a risk, knowing full well the potential consequences. There it sits in the front seat of the car, ready for the ride of its life. It is willing to go through some pain, to find a way to make it out alive.

And I love that I inherited these genes. I learned from the best Crash Test Dummy out there.

So hey, I am bound to crash again and again. But I will also get back in the drivers seat and hope that it ends better than before. It will make the victory more worth it.

I have laughed harder and longer here than I have in a long time. I forgot what it feels like to just laugh...not even for a great reason. The French people are pumping life into me.

Like last night, my roommate Alyssa says this completely out of the blue, "After we finish our dinner, we should play UNO Jellybeans with our Host Mom." It doesn't sound that funny right? It's hard to explain. She was going to give that to our Host Mom when we arrived, and it never happened. And if you lived in France, you would know how FREAKING AMERICAN that sounds. It just hit me by surprise, and laughed until tears where coming down my face. Too good.

Oh and we also laugh at the fact that:

1. We haven't found a grocery store until today, so we have been living off chocolate dinosaurs and pretzels.

2. Every attempt to find an attempt to find a grocery store, UTTERLY failed.

3. Every day, we plan on a whim or follow what everyone else is doing.

4. I don't have a jacket or an umbrella....qnd it just got rainy and cold

5. When my host mom tries to ask us about Mormon Polygamy and how many moms I have, it becomes a game of charades.

But hey, it makes me laugh. And everybody has to start somewhere. I am just at the bottom. Up is the only direction...right??? (Crossing my fingers)

And it's amazing how great it feels to finally find a grocery store! Even though my host mom had to show us. It feels so good to drink Coke because it is American. It feels so good to finally take my shoes off and lay in bed.

And maybe it feels pretty good to go into the Notre Dame Cathedral.

Or go shopping at Galleries Lafayette. (Huge Mall with EXPENSIVE stuff.)
I will add pictures of this tomorrow. My computer is really struggling...

1 comment:

  1. Aw, this is a bitter sweet post. Sorry to hear that you are feeling like you keep crashing and burning. Happy to hear you are resilient. What is that Rocky
    Quote? "It's not about how hard you can hit, but about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. It will come. Yay for finding grocery stores. I wish you had your cute red coat. Have you found one to buy yet? How funny about trying to explain how many moms you have. EEEEK! That's where the language barrier can be a problem. ha ha We love you and miss you!